The Worth Of Knowing

When my family moved to our current home I was quite happy with the pale blue walls and white trim that already existed. It made the rooms feel light and airy.

But as we began to move in I sighed noticing that the white steps and railing was already getting smudged. I would have to constantly clean them (toddlers are the messiest) to keep them white … which I knew was not going to happen. So, here we are eight months later with a railing that appears grey and steps that are, well, far from the crips, clean white they used to be.

I doubt anyone notices the grey railing but me. I mean, they use it and leave any grime and oils from their hands on it, but they don’t notice that it’s grey. And if they do they don’t remember that it used to be much whiter. And so they don’t clean it and it stays grey. I suppose I could clean it, but that’s a problem for another time.

That’s a bit how we are as people too. We don’t commit to renewing our minds and addressing how we relate to people because we don’t take the time to slow down and evaluate. If we do consider our thoughts/feelings and relationships we often don’t realize how unhelpful, harmful, and/or sinful they are because we forget or have never closely seen what they look like when they are healthy; we’re so used to the unhelpful, dysfunctional, and/or sinful way things are.

We often just become really good at hiding the parts that seem obviously bad about ourselves and coping with the rest. Like me, we come up with all the reasons why cleaning the “railing” is too much to ask with toddlers, wouldn’t last, is too high an expectation, would just highlight all they other white-turned grey in our house, etc. (yes, I’ve thought all those things about the railing). All the while we attempt to never let God or anyone else close.

Making our lives into whitewashed tombs is wearying work, though. It requires us ignoring all that is not helpful, good, or healthy inside of us. But it becomes routine with practice and so we continue for awhile.

Then sometimes, by God’s mercy, we experience firsthand people actively pursuing healthy relationships and renewing their minds and we may realize our whitewashed tombs … stink. And we can’t stand it (and by “our” and “we” I mean “my” and I”).

These other people humbled themselves before God enough to recognize the rotting bones in their hearts and let Him begin the work of removing them. Grief and joy mix as God brings lies they lived by and hurtful/sinful choices that were made to light. God makes them new not only in the eternally saved sense, but the sanctifying, here-and-now sense.

Thank God for community in which we can see there is hope! When we get to live life with people pursuing what is good and healthy we can realize our own unhealthy, sinful ways of thinking and relating to people don’t need to be our default. We have hope that the rotting bones inside our whitewashed selves are not too much for God. He carried them to Calvary already and we can begin living our new lives now.

This innocent idolatry
I’m not letting you in too deep
Because who knows
If you can handle me
This innocent idolatry
I thought it made you proud of me
To keep my tears back
Behind my eyes

Oh when did I Decide
I’m not Allowed to Cry

Positivity can’t Split these Seas
All my Optimism
Won’t set this Captive Free
I need a King
Who Hung on Calvary
I’ll Always need a God
Who Feels Deeply
I need a God
Who knows the Gravity