The Worth Of Knowing

We sit down for dinner and you eat your pasta. They say getting your kids to eat isn’t a food struggle but an authority struggle. I smile and salt your noodles. I choose to play the long game with your relationship with food over flexing my authority over you.

We send you to bed and you play for hours in the open bedrooms. They say it isn’t about sleep but about who has power to make decisions. I laugh quietly as I hear you sing to your stuffed animals. I choose to operate within the freedom the boundaries we’ve made for us allow instead of grasping for firmer control.

They say I represent the authority of God in our relationship. To which I say “only after I represent a fellow sinner who was given grace at the foot of the cross” and “only as much as I submit to God’s authority.”

They say permissive parenting leads to disrespectful children. I nod my head and say “authoritarian parenting leads to disrespectful parents.”

They say “use your body to make them obey you – you’re bigger than them” and add “do it in a loving Christ like way.” I use my body to gently draw you in so we can do this act of obedience together because my yoke is easy for you, child, and my burden is light.

See, I know all to well that you could be the child walking into Sunday School with your mother’s nail marks in your arm. I know you could be the child who hasn’t eaten all day because it’s “about authority” and not about last night’s dinner you still refuse to eat. I know you could be the child who thinks she’s unloveable because I can’t stand your daily disobedience.

The greatest threat to your wellbeing is not from the person who occasionally enters our home, but from the one who is with you for hours on end day after day.

Me.

The words I speak. The ones I omit. My tone of voice. My attentiveness. My priorities. My presence with you. The way I let you express yourself. The way I respond.

That is why we teach you to respectfully disagree with me. To call me out on my inconsistencies and speak up for the hurtful things I’ve done to you. Because every human authority needs accountability. And so much of the time it’s just you and me and God alone together, sweet child.

And one day it will be you and someone else.

And I hope you have enough confidence to tell them the truth when they use the “I represent God’s authority in this relationship” line to get you to obey them.

They only represent God’s authority as much as they are submitted to His authority.