The Worth Of Knowing

I was thinking the other day about the first time I knew I loved Jesse.

I liked him on and off for a long time. Before we started dating we messaged each other often and I remember being wary, but also curious. When I mentioned to him that the frequency of our messages was as at least interesting if not concerning to me, Jesse suggested a week or so without talking to each other. I (a bit sadly) agreed.

But that’s when I also knew that I wanted to be in a relationship with him.

Because he gave me space. He was okay without me. He didn’t need me.

It sounds like seams tearing, two pieces of fabric being pulled apart:

being needed is not equivalent to being loved. being loved is not equivalent to being needed.

It cuts deep. because sometimes we like to think we can earn love. and sometimes we are stingy with giving our own love when our needs aren’t met.

It hurts. because we realize love that’s earned can be lost in an instant. sometimes we find that we’re more needed than loved.

It frees. because loving someone whether I need them or not (aka loving them unconditionally) becomes a conscious decision. putting effort into being needed in order to be “loved” becomes a choice I’m aware I have.

You are more than what you can give me. I am more than I can give you.

Yeah, relationships (of all kinds – not just marriages) always have a sort of give and take. The healthiest ones, though, are more arm linked in arm, both people heading in the same direction. We are needy people and we do benefit from pulling each the other up. It’s mutually upbuilding. We’re better together.

But there’s some needs the other person will never meet. And maybe, once we’ve swallowed that bittersweet pill, that can be the greatest motivator to keep walking toward Jesus together.