The Worth Of Knowing

The idea of empathy being a sin or toxic is an idea that has been growing within the more conservative and/or Christian sphere for the last couple years. I’ve recently noticed a growing trend to attach “toxic empathy” to the liberal or progressive approach to addressing those who are suffering. The concern seems to be that empathy requires giving up our morals and not holding those who are suffering accountable for their own actions.

In this conversation about whether empathy is good or bad, we need to make sure we know what we’re talking about. The Oxford Dictionary defines empathy as “the ability to understand and share the feelings of another.”

Note that changing your beliefs or morals is not part of true empathy. This is much like how true love does not require agreement with another persons beliefs or actions. And while more progressive groups tends to argue that “if you love me you have to fully embrace all of me” the Biblical response is not to say love is sin, but that this is not the Biblical definition of love.

Our response to “toxic empathy” should be the similar. Just because more progressive groups tend to say “if you have empathy for a person you feel what they feel (often like they are a victim) and let those feelings dictate how you help and act” does not mean empathy is sin. It simply means we have an incorrect view of empathy.

The issue with toxic empathy is not with sharing the feeling of others (true empathy) but with not being able to hold onto truth while you do so. The warning to be careful when empathizing with people is fair – it’s hard not to let our feelings or others’ to overpower us. Rather than avoiding empathy, though, I wonder if holding onto Truth more tightly is the solution.

A picture of true empathy that comes to mind is jumping down into a pit with someone and sitting with them while holding onto the rope that can pull you both out. This requires immense humility, strength, and awareness. Being regularly saturated in Truth is essential. Holding to core Biblical doctrine is key. Letting go of the “rope” will leave you with no way out from the feelings.

Empathy is most needed when the other person is not in a space where they can see a way out on their own. Maybe they’ve been in the pit for a while, maybe it keeps getting deeper, and maybe no one else seems to truly understand how hopeless it feels. Maybe they’ve received a lot of sympathy from people from the top of the pit shouting down “I’m sorry your going through this,” “I’ll be praying for you,” “I knew someone else who was in a pit,” or “have you tried using the rope?”

The tension within us can feel strong when we’re showing empathy. By definition empathy is an emotional experience. But Biblical truth is strong enough to keep us tethered while we feel deeply with others.

This would be my question to those who believe all empathy is toxic or sinful: do you believe Jesus can enter into the pit of darkest feelings and sit with the one he died to save? Do you think he weeps with us? Would doing so in any way compromise his divinity?

Jesus displayed healthy empathy when he took the time to cry with Lazarus’s sisters even though he knew the truth and reality that he would raise Lazarus from the dead in a few minutes.

‬‬“When Jesus saw her crying, and the Jews who had come with her crying, he was deeply moved  in his spirit  and troubled. “Where have you put him? ” he asked. “Lord,” they told him, “come and see.” Jesus wept.  So the Jews said, “See how he loved  him! ” But some of them said, “Couldn’t he who opened the blind man’s eyes  also have kept this man from dying? ””
‭‭John‬ ‭11‬:‭33‬-‭37‬ ‭CSB‬‬

Jesus’ tears were critiqued. His empathy was critiqued. Some thought it showed he loved greatly. Others thought it showed his weakness and inability to actually do something. They thought empathy and divinity could not coexist.

But Jesus was doing something. He was showing that feeling deeply with people is possible while still holding onto the truth of God.