The Worth Of Knowing

[read part one of the story here]

I walked behind Mr. Grable’s medium frame toward the kitchen. It was situated across the entryway from the living room. I glanced at the white sofa before sitting down on a wooden chair at the kitchen table. It was embarrassing to remember how I had yelled at Mr. Grable last time I was here.

Ugh. Why was I even here now?

Mr. Grable placed a cup of hot tea in front of me and pulled out the chair on the opposite side of the table.

“It’s good to see you, Megan,” he said as he lifted his mug, “I was sad not to see you before you left your parents’ last time.”

“Yeah,” I managed to say through a tight throat. I had decided I wasn’t going to make a scene this time, but it was hard when my body felt threatened by kind words of all things. I’d much rather he complain that I hadn’t said goodbye then say he was sad.

But of course he didn’t. Instead he said, “Oh, that’s right, when I told Ellen that you were coming she decided to make pumpkin muffins for us,” as he got up from the table and grabbed a plate of muffins from the counter. “She wanted to be here when you stopped by, but had previous plans.”

I took a large bite of a muffin. Sometimes safety tastes homemade muffins, I thought.

“So how have you been?” Mr. Grable asked. He seemed used to this sort of thing – people coming to him with their problems.

“Umm, it’s been … confusing,” I replied slowly trying to decide how to share without, I don’t know … oversharing? But once I started it came out easily.

His kindness and understanding was a relief. I didn’t feel the need to defend myself or convince him that what I was dealing with was hard. It was like he already knew.

“It just feels like everything’s shattering around me even though nothing’s changed,” I finished.

“Hmm,” he nodded thoughtfully. I tried to casually take another bite of my muffin while wondering why I expected Mr. Grable to be able to help make anything better.

He gently asked, “Do you think it’s because you’ve changed? Maybe you’re looking at everything through a different lens?”

My stomach did a flip. That was it. I had felt it all along but just couldn’t wrap my mind around it.

“Yeah,” I nodded, “That’s it.”

“I wonder why?” Mr. Grable asked thoughtfully, “Do you know what caused you to change your lens?”

I breathed shakily not even needing to think twice, “You did.”

I waited for his reaction. There was only a little surprise on his face. No beaming pride. No awkward humility. Just a steady gaze of curiosity and care.

So I went on, “You treated me like a whole person. Me yelling at you didn’t even phase you. You sat with me and listened like what I said mattered,” I looked straight at him because this was the part I really didn’t get, “You seemed to understand what I was saying as if you had been through and felt similar things too.”

Mr. Grable nodded with a smile and gently asked, “And how did that change how you see things?”

I looked at the far corner of the room, thinking for a moment. There were flowers on the windowsill and the morning light that was shining through the glass vase created a stunning rainbow of colors on the floor.

“By paying attention you shined light on what I guess has always been there,” I said slowly, “You made me feel like what I felt mattered — that I have value.”

His eyes glistened as he said, “You do. You are invaluable.”

My whole body was tense.

I relaxed it.

It was a wonderful, painful kind of refining thing to let those words and that gaze sweep over me.

I sat under them for a few minutes before replying, “Thank you.”

“This High Priest of ours understands our weaknesses, for he faced all of the same testings we do, yet he did not sin. So let us come boldly to the throne of our gracious God. There we will receive his mercy, and we will find grace to help us when we need it most.”
‭‭Hebrews‬ ‭4:15-16‬ ‭NLT‬‬