The Worth Of Knowing

They say you're either for or against;
There's no room for sitting on the fence. 
What about when I can't enjoy my sin,
But I don't trust God - where's he been?
When my mind is consumed with doubt
I plead to God for a way out. 

I'm waiting on the fence. 
All I hear is silence. 

The pastor says he'll listen and pray
But there's nothing he could say
If God has closed the door in my face. 
God's left nothing for me in this race. 
His love is manipulative and cold. 
This game of hide and seek is now old. 

Won't he love me outright?
Walk out into my sight?

This life feels like it's purgatory. 
They say it's all to bring him glory
Ignoring that I'm just trying to live. 
There's no glory here I could give. 
If only his presence would fill this room,
But instead he's made it like a tomb. 

My cries echo back to me. 
Trapped, I want to be free. 

I try to find relief in my sin. 
My flesh is restrained - I can't win. 
My hands tied, I cry, "Where is mercy?"
I stop - is there something I don't see?
I'm on the fence crying and calling
What if it's God who's kept me from falling?

What if:

the fence is His?

What if we have too small a view of God? What if our present doubts and sins overwhelm us, but not God? What if the black and whiteness of being saved or unsaved is real, but not something humans are usually privy to? What if earth side saving faith appears a lot more fuzzy?

And what if that’s okay? What if that’s being a finite human and not a sin?

What if God sits with us on the fence until we’re ready for more? What if that’s enough?